Friday, January 2, 2009

distractions

Is it running? or is it simply recognizing the fear, and the dread, and the ultimate possibility and wanting to distract yourself from it as long as you possibly can, so you enjoy everything as much as you can, so that when the time comes, you can hold your chin as high as you can, and utter simply: "What a run."
Is it running? or is it harmless distractions.
Harmless distractions that we think are harmless but cut us deeper than we realize?
When does bravery give out and courage step in?
I believe there is a harsh and horrible difference between bravery and courage, one we refuse to acknowledge or even consider.
We are brave when it is convenient, we are courageous when the only other option is defeat and submission to darkness.
I cling to my distractions desperately, hopefully, but it seems to no avail.
As the night sets in I feel the fear, the desperation, the dread and the anguish. I have no other means to distract myself. I am forced with the possibility and my entire being, My whole self, My complete entity cries out for another way: A different course. A change of heart. I cry for my way, and am forced, harshly to the conclusion that I can't control it. So I run. or is it harmless distractions? Every day it's something else.
I look to the people close to me, and find the same thing. running? or simple distractions. I don't really know.
God's on the throne.
I'm not.
shadows prove the sunrise.
Even when it's hard to remember.

"...The point is: Life will get better, Gods got you, dude."

1 comment:

Il Prosciutto Crudo Bandito said...

What an excellent quote at the bottom.